I found an article on Psychology Today titled 'Why Do Some Battered Women Stay?' which talks about why women stay in abusive relationships from a psychological viewpoint. The article estimates that 1/4 to 1/3 of women who are battered remain with their abusers. The number one estimated reason for this is that women claim 'they love him' and this emotional attachment seems to overide the importance of safety and survival. Psychologists also believe that women stay with abusive men because of the importance to reproduce. The article states that women with abusive husbands have been genetically linked to having a higher percentage of sons due to the high testosterone levels they receive from their husband's gene. Their sons are more likely to be violent, just like their fathers. This could explain the men's reasoning for abusing their wives in the video 'Power and Control' that we watched. The men said that they watched their fathers do the same thing to their mothers and even though they knew it was wrong, they did it anyway. Although the article made some valid points, I believe that the reasons women stay with abusive partners are due to the fact that living life without them would be harder due to economic situations and child support.
I like the points you have made in this article, also with relating them to the reading in class, a Psychology Today article, and the movie we watched in class a few weeks ago. Another reason I believe women stay with their abusors is because they fear if they leave, something bad will happen. Just Friday night, back in my hometown, there was a shooting. Reminder, my hometown is considered a village that contains just a little of 3,500 people. The worst thing that happened in our community growing up were car break ins...not shootings! Well anyways, this guy found out where his ex and her new man were, went to the building, and shot them both. I believe the guy went crazy and couldn't stand the thought of her being with someone else.
ReplyDeleteIn the article provided "Why Women Stay with Controlling Men", they list eight different reasons as to why women would stay and not leave. The first one hits home, I'm sure for all of us. When you have your first love, you never want that feeling to end...the feeling of being everything to someone and who will do anything for you. The list goes on and on from love to even blackmailing.
Just like in the "Power and Control" film, I'm sure the mothers of children are terrified for the kids as well as theirselves. I'm sure leaving a place where they have a father and ecomomic stability is hard, too. Even moving to a shelter is hard since you don't know anybody there. At least they are all people going through the same hardship that you are/have. I believe the mothers would want their sons especially to get away from their father if he treats the family like that because who would want their son growing up and destroying lives of those they love? These are just a few of the reasons as to why I believe women stay with their abusors.
Here is the link for the "Why Women Stay with Controlling Men" article: http://psychcentral.com/lib/why-women-stay-with-controlling-men/0002648
The title of your post "Why Women stay with their Abusers" is a generic but controversial topic/questions. You show that in your post with all of the answers as to why women stay with their abusers. In the article you posted, the number one reason is because women love their husbands, but I have to disagree with that article. I do understand the emotional attachment the women have to their husbands. We can see this in boyfriend and girlfriend relationships. When broken up with, each has a hard time letting go because of an emotional attachment. I believe the reason goes far beyond just emotional attachment.
ReplyDeleteI believe there is no specific answer for this question, but I believe the most common reason is fear.They fear what will happen once they leave their abuser. How will they survive economically? How will I find another husband to be a father to my child? What if my abuser finds me once I leave and hurts me worse? Fear is a large part of why women do not leave their abusers. This article I found shows fear as the number one response, along with other reasons. http://www.musc.edu/ncvc/resources_public/victim_reactions_SA.pdf It also brings up the point of victimization, which we see in the "Betrayed By an Angel" article we read in class. Women tend to take responsibility for being sexually assaulted.
I also agree with the point of how men reason for abusing their wives. We see that in the "Power and Control" video as you bring up. If a child is abused, he sees that as a norm for how he should treat his wife. He himself was abused, or saw his mother being abused, therefore abusing his wife is "normal."
There is no reason we can find as to why women do not leave their abusive husbands. Research has found different reasons, but unless we have been placed in the situation, we can not for certain explain this controversy.
When I read the article "Betrayed by the Angel: What Happens When Violence Knocks and Politeness Answers?" I was shocked. I had to reread it a few times to make sure I was reading it right. I couldn’t believe it when she was talking about the little boy stabbing her with the pencil. I couldn’t believe no one noticed the marks on her arm. It was terrifying for me to read so I can’t even believe how it makes her feel. Girls are taught that if a boy picks on you, that means he likes you. I used to believe that but now that I am more educated on violence against women, I see it completely differently. Julie said in her post that women with abusive husbands are genetically linked to having a higher percentage of sons who would turn out to also be violent. With learning that, it makes me wonder if the little boy that stabbed her, had an abusive dad at home.
ReplyDeleteI think that a lot of the reason women don’t stay with their abuser is because they are scared of what could happen to them. You see in many movies and books that if a woman leaves their abuser, the abuser comes after her and does even worse things to her. I would think that that is always in the back of women’s heads. Also women don’t leave their abuser because they will have nowhere to go and have no money. Stereotypically, the male is the one that brings home the majority of the income. So if that is the case, then the women will have no money to get away. I think the place that took abused women in in the “Power and Control” film, is such a positive thing. It is a great place for women and children to go to feel safe.
The title of your article asks a question that many wonder but few have answers to. It is hard to single-handedly define why a woman would ever stay with someone who causes her both physical and emotional harm. However, the reasons can go far beyond what any one person in a different situation can come up with. People can continue to do research, and while the results that show can be valid, none will ever be a universal justification as to why women would remain in their situations.
ReplyDeleteThe list can go on and on as to why a woman would stay with an abuser; money, shelter, family, love, etc. While the more obvious hurdles such as money and shelter are being addressed by women's shelters and other programs, they still are not putting an end to all domestic violence. Why is this? If those things are a major problem then why aren't more women leaving their husbands? The answer to this can't be known because every situation is different. It doesn't always come down to monetary struggles or things of that nature. Love and other emotional ties are a very real and present reason as to why a woman would stay.
It might seem ridiculous that someone can love somebody who hurts them, but it also is a major reason a person will stay. People fall in love and when they do they can often overlook the red flags that may pop up throughout the relationship and then realize them far too deep into the relationship when they have already invested so much of themselves into the other person. If you develop a love and trust in someone it is hard to just pull away from that. There is also a level of comfort that comes from being with someone for a long time. While the situation may be bad, the thought of being with anyone else can seem just as scary just because it is unfamiliar. Manipulation is a very real thing and being in love with someone comes with many factors that can't always be controlled.
This question will most likely never have a definitive answer, but raising awareness and giving women options is one of the most important ways people will be able to avoid these situations. The article you posted raised a lot of very interesting points and definitely creates some points of thought.
I really liked all the points you made and how you connected it back to the articles we read in class. But I think the "why women stay with their abusers" is controversial and their isn't just one point to be made of why they do. There are a lot of things that contribute to why a woman would stay in a relationship with her abuser. I think women tend to stay with men because of the economic they are taking if they would ever leave but I also believe that it has a lot to do with emotion. Women can sometimes feel that they deserved to be abused because they did do something wrong. Victims blame themselves for what is happening to them instead of putting the blame on the abuser. In "Betrayed by the Angel" she just let the rape happen to her without any fight. Maybe she thought she deserved that because she was pretty. She didn't even think he deserved to go to jail or be punished.
ReplyDeleteI think fear also has a lot to do with why women stay with their abusers. They are scared if they run away that their abuser will find them and hurt them in some way. I think it is also hard for them to leave if they have children because now they could potentially be putting their lives in more danger. They also fear that they won't be able to support themselves or know how to live by themselves without fearing the world. I think there is a lot that goes into why a women would stay with her abuser but there is no definite answer that can be applied to every single assault case.
My dad says the same thing to me. You really never know the true side to someone and women do need to be extra careful. If you see that your significant other is showing small signs before you even get married you know that it is more then likely going to get worse as time goes on.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you when you say that most women because of their kids because most families try to keep it together for their children's sake but there are so many other factors. Those could be financial reasons, you are afraid to leave because like in the movie "Power and Control" the woman did not have any money and was working as hard as she could to eventually buy her and her children a new house. Another reason is it is hard to leave when you love someone and in the article "Betrayed by the Angel: What Happens When Violence Knocks and Politeness Answers?" she started to believe that she deserved what was happening to her. The sad thing is sometimes women for whatever reason believe that they deserve the way they are being treated which is not right at all. There are so many things that go into the different situations that some women are in and it really just depends on the individual situations on why they stay and get abused.
You highlighted a lot of really good points, and I think they all contribute to why men are abusive and why women stay. While I agree with your final argument that women stay because of the financial benefits and child support, I do not believe that it is the only reason or main reason why they stay. I say this because having witnessed a family member having 2 young children, and leaving her husband after the first time he hit her it makes it obvious that while the fear of instability is there each case is individual. I don't believe there is just one reason or even a main reason that women stay because all women, although often times they have similar views, are their own person, and rank the reasons for staying differently.
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