Why Women Stay with their Abusers

Throughout our discussion on violence against women last week, I was reminded of something my dad often says to me. He says that I need to be careful when I choose the man I want to live the rest of my life with because sometimes violence doesn't appear until after marriage and often times, women continue to live out their lives with their husbands who abuse them. The more I thought about this, the more I wondered how it can be. When I read the article "Betrayed by the Angel: What Happens When Violence Knocks and Politeness Answers?" I was shocked by the authors reaction to the violent situations men put her in. The author put up with violence as a little girl, letting her male classmate stab her with his pencil every day because she was too scared to say anything. Then, when she was 25 years old she let a man into her apartment, who then raped her all because she didn't want to be rude and wasn't angry enough to fight him off. Could this be why women remain in violent situations? Maybe it's because no one notices and they are too afraid to tell someone or maybe it's because it would be impolite to get a man into a large amount of trouble.

I found an article on Psychology Today titled 'Why Do Some Battered Women Stay?' which talks about why women stay in abusive relationships from a psychological viewpoint. The article estimates that 1/4 to 1/3 of women who are battered remain with their abusers. The number one estimated reason for this is that women claim 'they love him' and this emotional attachment seems to overide the importance of safety and survival. Psychologists also believe that women stay with abusive men because of the importance to reproduce. The article states that women with abusive husbands have been genetically linked to having a higher percentage of sons due to the high testosterone levels they receive from their husband's gene. Their sons are more likely to be violent, just like their fathers. This could explain the men's reasoning for abusing their wives in the video 'Power and Control' that we watched. The men said that they watched their fathers do the same thing to their mothers and even though they knew it was wrong, they did it anyway. Although the article made some valid points, I believe that the reasons women stay with abusive partners are due to the fact that living life without them would be harder due to economic situations and child support.

Here's a link for the Psychology Today article!

The Sexuality of Soda: A Focus on Dr. Pepper

Dr. Pepper's website currently advertises 9 different options under its products category, each containing a different calorie count, flavor, or caffeine level that make it unique from the original flavor.  In 2011, the popular soft drink brand released its newest concoction Dr. Pepper 10, a drink that was created to target the calorie-conscious male and allow him to avoid its feminine counterpart, Diet Dr. Pepper.  The website allows users to access the nutritional information of the product, as well as an additional information section where advertisers give the reader a brief description of the product.  Under Dr. Pepper 10's information section, the company writes "10 bold tasting calories with the same authentic 23 flavors of Dr. Pepper.  That's a whole lot of taste in one can.  Try it today."  In comparison, Diet Dr. Pepper's information section reads "A satisfying diet drink does exist!  Diet Dr. Pepper offers the same 23 flavors of regular Dr. Pepper, without the calories.  Try one today and enjoy the unbelievably satisfying taste."  In these two examples, you can see that advertisers are sending both genders the same message, but in different ways.  With the more masculine diet drink option, the wording is shorter and to the point.  Instead of simply saying "Try it today" in the diet Dr. Pepper advertisement, the company writes "Try one today and enjoy the unbelievably satisfying taste."

The company has also been overt in the television commercials it has created for both Dr. Pepper 10 and Diet Dr. Pepper.  In this advertisment for Dr. Pepper 10, the scene screams masculinity; a muscular male is seen shooting guns, explosions are ringing in the background, and he even addresses women and says that they can "keep their romantic comedies and lady drinks."  The commercial I found for Diet Dr. Pepper shows a bride and her bridesmaids preparing for her special day, with the bridesmaids finally no longer having to sacrifice during this time with they exchange their usual Dr. Pepper with Diet Dr. Pepper.

This collection of advertisements reminded me of Susan Bordo's article "Pills and Power Tools."  In this piece, Bordo discusses the terminology used for the male reproductive organs.  Blow torch, bolt, hand tool, hardware, hammer, rocket, etc. are terms that are deemed as allowable because they allow the man to maintain his masculine, aggressive in nature appearance when described using these terms.  If the media continues to reinforce the aggressive vision of the male, as well as if terminology used to describe this gender remains violent, the male species will continue to be viewed as aggressors.

Sexual Assault: A Gray Area

             A topic I found interesting that we discussed in great abundance in class was the issue of sexual violence against women.  As we learned, sexual violence can occur is a variety of different settings; women can be victims of domestic sexual violence, from acquaintances, or from complete strangers.  This is what makes sexual violence so unique from other types of violence’s. However, when discussing terms of rape or sexual assault, there seems to be a sort of gray area when defining the terms.  Typically, women and men have different definitions of these two terms. In the article, “Fraternities and Collegiate Rape Culture” by A. Ayres Boswell and Joan Z. Spade, groups of women and men were asked to define certain terms, and I found the results interesting. As stated in the article many men answered that rape was “when a guy jumps out of the bushes and forces himself sexually onto a girl.”  And date rape was defined as “when one person has sex with another person who did not consent.”  Many men also said, “date rape is when a woman wakes up the next morning and regrets having sex.”  When it came to asking women the same question, there were mixed responses.  One Woman stated “If a girl is drunk and the guy knows it and the girls says, ‘Yes, I want to have sex,’ and they do, that is still rape because the girl can’t make a conscious rational decision under the influence of alcohol.”  Another women disagreed and said, “I don’t think it is fair that the guy gets blamed when both people involved are drunk.”

            In my opinion, the second woman brings up a good point.  Why is it that the man always gets blamed for “rape,” when both the man and woman are both under the influence of alcohol?  Is this to suggest that women cannot make rational decisions for themselves as opposed to a man who can? This is where the gray area comes in when defining rape, it is a hard term to define and to know where to draw the line.  http://sapac.umich.edu/article/52 I found this article explaining the myths and facts of sexual assault, which many points I tend to agree with. One of the points I liked in particular was the myth that “sexual assault is often the result of a miscommunication or a mistake.”  I would agree, a harasser knows what they are doing to their victim; it is definitely not a form of miscommunication when a victim has been assaulted.

Alternate Society Where Being Gay is the "Norm"

Recently I have seen a video that I found very interesting that related very well to our recent class discussion. (Click here for link to video) The video is a short film that allows viewers to imagine a different or alternate society where being a homosexual is actually normal and being heterosexual is looked down upon. The film opens up on a "normal" homosexual lesbian couple having a child and raising it in a society that accepts them for who they are. The movie follows the daughter of the lesbian couple, Ashley, and her narration of how she felt different from the other children around her. She tries as hard as she can to repress her attractions towards boys but slowly the other kids around her notice her odd behavior. She begins to be taunted at school. Her life is slowly turned upside down as she realizes she has to deal with the judgement of society just because she has a different sexual attraction than the others around her. Her parents see a heterosexual couple move in across the street and her mom makes her walk the other way to school to avoid their house. Then, another day at school, she was getting teased by some girls, and her teacher broke up the fight. The teacher tells Ashley that these feelings towards boys are just a phase. If she got a girlfriend, then the teasing would stop and these heterosexual feelings would vanish. One day, Ashley gets caught kissing a boy at school and she is chased by some kids and beaten up. Eventually, all of the judgement and hatred towards Ashley for being straight becomes too much that she ends up physically hurting herself and committing suicide.

While the movie is only fictitious, this is something that happens to homosexual kids every single day. When someone realizes that they are gay, they will most likely suppress these feelings in order to fit in. But when the judgement and hatred become too much, many kids turn to fatal alternatives in order to get relief from the harsh society that we live in. We read Blackwood's article in class that explained that this hatred for homosexuals in our society is just a cultural construct. It is an interpretive context of sorts. Because we see our culture as a heteronormative society, all of our laws, institutions of marriage, economy, and kinship rules benefit relationships between a man and a woman. If one person expresses themselves differently than the rest of their peers, then a label is automatically placed on them and these basic rights are stripped from them. When we look at this cultural construct, Blackwood shows us that there are even real examples in our world today where homosexuality is accepted and even celebrated. These examples include the "mummy-baby" relationships and the masculinity rituals in other cultures. Looking at these examples show us that homosexual relationships and sexual acts are normal in societies and they prove to be beneficial to the people that act upon them. So why can't we live in a society where being gay is normal? Why can't a homosexual couple move across the street without the neighbors turning their heads in disgust? Twisting the scenario around shows us the judgement that gay people have to deal with every day. If we just changed the culture of our country into a place where people are able to express their feelings and not have to be afraid of who they are, then our nation would be a happier place. Finally, we would have a place where being gay is normal and in order to do that, we all have to come together and change our mindset in order to change our world.

Gender, Sexuality and Halloween

An overwhelmingly important topic of conversation that has been presented countless times throughout the semester is gender identity and sexuality. In the past few weeks we have discussed gender and sexuality as social norms taught to us by society and the world in which we live. As Halloween draws near, I figured what better way to discuss gender and sexuality than to look around us and see what sort of constructions are being forced upon young adults and in particular, college kids. Historically, Halloween costumes were worn during the pagan era to ward off potential threats and spirits such as ghosts and demons. Today, however, costumes typically come in "sexy outfits" for women and "rustic, strong" outfits for men, inviting sexual connections rather than warding them off. On top of that, you won't find very many "gender neutral" outfits, especially for young adults.

As we also talked about in class, men have an infatuation with their penis and the strength and power that comes from having the particular body part. In the article "Pills and Power Tools" that we read in class, the author states that we expect men to work like a machine and that impotence implies their whole personality is failed rather than a single body part. "We live in a culture that encourages men to think of their sexuality as residing in their penises..."(Bordo) For men, heterosexual or homosexual, the penis is their main sense of identity. One can see this by merely looking for a male Halloween costume. Buzzfeed recently wrote an article that caught my eye. 25 Sexy Halloween Costumes for Men that should NOT exist After scrolling through, you can see that about 95% of the costumes emphasize the man's penis even if this article is a pun.

Here are some of my favorites that have to do with the strength and power associated with the penis.

Reform in the Church

The other day in class Risa mentioned Pope Francis, who was sworn in just recently. I have been following some of the recent news about the new Pope's revolutionary views on homosexuals and women in the church. I personally think Pope Francis could not have come at a better time. The Catholic church has been under some really tough criticism recently, and in need of some serious change. Attached is an article I found discussing the recent interviews with the Pope that have been getting a lot of attention from Christians and non-Christians alike.

http://southfloridagaynews.com/articles/pope-francis-unveils-a-new-fragrance-for-gay-catholics-and-women/131368

Admitting to the public that the church needs to reform its way of operating has caused some serious controversy (and excitement). When approached with questions regarding homosexuals in the church Pope Francis has shown a refreshing amount of tolerance and even acceptance that has never really been displayed by any other authority figure in the church, and definitely not be his predecessor Pope Benedict. He has also said that he is going to try to create a more woman friendly church, with leadership roles to help utilize "the feminine genius...wherever we make important decisions". While he hasn't actually outlined any specific reforms I think warming the church and its leaders up to the idea of change is a great step forward.

This is very relevant to what we've been talking about in class the last week. Obviously equality for women in any area, including the church, has been a big focus of this class. The understanding and recognition of sexualities other than heterosexual is something else we've been discussing in the last few days. The statements the Pope has been making about making room for women and gays in the church is especially huge (at least in my opinion) because the church is such a powerful institution in our society. Many of the social structures that our society run on stem from these religious institutions in some way, shape or form. It is also has a reputation as one of the most inflexible institutions up to this point, and it's reasonable to say these two topics strike a very sensitive nerve in most Christians (as well as many other people our society). Personally, I think if this Pope can get the ball rolling for these reforms in the church, it could be like a domino affect on the rest of society. If women are accepted as leaders in the church, one of the oldest male dominant institutions in our society, what's keeping us from breaking through the glass ceiling? If homosexuals are embraced as spiritually valuable by the church, which is the source of most people's reservations about homosexuality, why couldn't the rest of society embrace them as civically valuable?

Today in class we discussed how sexuality relates to rules of behavior. At the end we talked about compulsory heterosexuality: there's a social expectation to be straight, straight is the default, just like how society controls gender roles. From an early age kids are taught that being gay is gross, wrong morally, or aberrant behavior. Stereotypes are enforced to back this claim, one of the most prominent being that gay men are “wusses,” in fact not even men: they're unmanly.

Robert Griffin III is the latest professional male sports star to talk about gays in sports. His recent comment for GQ magazine is that now is the time for pro sports players to come out of the closet. There has been growing support of gay players in the last couple of years, especially with Vikings kicker Chris Kluwe vocally supporting gay colleagues, and then Jason Collins, for the NBA, being the first major professional sports player to come out of the closet.

This is a big step toward acceptance in our society, since it directly deals with the stereotype that gay men are weak. Other heavy hitters like Magic Johnson and Charles Barkley have added their backing, which tells kids that being gay isn't weak, and that you can grow up and be gay and be an athlete. Sports is one of the institutions that can be used to enforce roles of sexuality (as well as gender), and the more players that say it's ok to be gay, the more we break down the rules of institutions that are used to say being gay is wrong.

www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/14/rgiii-gay-players-nfl_n_3757015.html

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/07/brendon-ayanbadejo-gay-rights_n_3402243.html

Sexual Selection

A few weeks back we had a discussion over the article written by Marlene Zuk titled 'Animal Models and Gender' discussing the correlation between human and animal mating habits. An idea brought up in the article is that men are naturally dominant, while women are naturally submissive. This thought arises from the animal kingdom and most accept the evolutionary heritage and follow along with a life of oppression. Zuk goes on to tell how the connection between our sexual behavior and that of other species can be liberating rather than restrictive. Marlene describes sexual selection as the differential reproduction occurring because of an individual's ability to acquire the best and/or most mates, not because of survival ability. We see this act in our everyday life with how packed the weight room at Ping becomes on friday afternoons. Before male students get ready for their weekend festivities, they all have extra time to hit the gym. The typical "meat heads" will be in the weight room from Monday through Friday, but others are just going for their weekly buff before heading out. This is a form of sexual selection because the ladies out on the prowl that particular evening will be looking for a male that best fits their needs. Being physically fit could be one of these needs depending on the female. This idea relates to Zuk's article in the peacock experiment. The female peacocks look for males with more feathers, even though it is harder for them to evade predators and fly away to safety. The trait of more feathers evolved because of the females preferring that particular trait to any other. The male versus male competition arises in the weight room and can be related to more feathers because women will be looking for a male figure that has more muscle mass than the next one. The female choice depends on a male having the most ornaments, as Zuk describes. The amount of female offspring is limited meaning females want males with the best traits that can be passed on to their offspring. Men and women are not the same from both a physiological and evolutionary standpoint. A single animal model for the origin of sex does not exist because mammals are less likely to be seen as monogamous creatures in their natural habitat. It cannot be considered cheating if there isn't any norms or laws to be broken.


http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/wed-september-14-2011/the-plight-of-muscled-americans

'Model' for discussing beauty norms

The article I used for this discussion of beauty norms is titled: "Hoffman, a 'model' for discussing beauty norms" written by Julie Zellinger a feminist blogger and author. This article goes very well with the discussion of the two articles we read by Brumberg and Davis.

The main argument that was developed in Zellinger's article is about the speech given by Dustin Hoffman, the actor, about his role in the movie Tootsie. In this film he dressed as a woman to land a role in a soap opera. He wanted his character to look better, and they said that was as good as he would look. He says the way he looked, as a girl, wouldn't be the kind of girl he would want to get to know. It hurt him to think that there are so many women that he could meet, but society has regarded these women as not the ideal look. Society brainwashed him into missing out on so many awesome woman and he realized this based on this film. I felt that his reaction to his film was a turning point for this oppression.

This video of Hoffman’s opinion was all over the news and got a great amount of attention because it wasn't the "man-hating feminist" point of view. A man actually owned up to his mistakes. I was surprised by his reaction to his previous role because I didn’t realize that this oppression affected men negatively too. This created a much larger issue because this man was now getting all this attention and being viewed as a hero. This white, middle class man brought up this “beauty norm” problem, and now, all of a sudden, it deserves attention. This is obviously unfair but in a way, the choice to finally contribute to this systemic problem is beneficial for both groups. The men owning up to mistakes are better than them denying that they have participated in this sexism against women. This can be a start to men and women allying to end this problem, but it seems to me that it’s going to be very difficult.

In class the main focus was why do women feel that they need to look a certain way? In the article Designer Vaginas the quote that relates to this article is: “ In America, women pay the money that is theirs and no one else’s to go to a doctor who cuts them up so they can create or sustain an image men want” (273). The fact that men are the oppressors is a huge issue and hurts woman, but again, there is a bigger problem. I’ve realized from both of these articles that maybe men don’t always realize what they are doing to women. I know for most of my friends they dress to impress, but what if we could all just be ourselves. Women go out of their way to fix themselves up for men, but maybe there is a way to stop this. If society stopped brainwashing men to look for “beauty norms” then maybe women would stop trying to be a certain way.

This is the link to the article:

http://www.hlntv.com/article/2013/07/13/dustin-hoffman-tootsie-video-women-beauty-norms

This is the video of Dustin Hoffman speaking about his character in Tootsie:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YBiS4GyyjM

Fitting In

In today's class, we discussed two articles:  Designer Vaginas by Simone Weil Davis and Breast Buds and the "Training" Bra by Joan Jacobs Brumberg.  While reading the Brumberg article, it made me think of growing up and going through high school.  I mean, who doesn't want to fit in?
At the beginning of class today, the guys and girls were split up onto each side of the room to come up with a list.  This list was about what we did to make ourselves look/feel good,  When coming up with these lists, one girl brought up how she used to look at magazines.  All girls at some point in our lives look at pictures of other women to see what they classify as "beautiful", "hot", "sexy", etc., along with the occastional "how do I get guys to notice me?".  When this was brought up, I thought of the Teen Mags magazine.  Many young women cut out pictures of women in magazines and try to do everything they can to strive to be THAT "beautiful".
Along with this topic made me think of the movie Mean Girls.  Lindsay Lohan, a girl from Africa, moves to America and goes to high school.  She does her best to fit in with the crowd and found some friends that everyone eles thinks is wierd.  She "finds" her way to finally get in with the "Plastics" and learns all the rules:  "You must always wear pink, no sweatpants, this on this day, etc.".  If one little thing is wrong, you are looked down upon from the rest of the group.
Just like in the Brumberg article, every girl is just trying to fit in.  Every girl wants to be considered one of the "cool" ones.  I remember in high school that to be "cool", you had to be a superstar athlete who gets away with drinking on weekends.  You were "cool" even if you just drank.  I even remember in grade school that once you got your first training bra or even an actual bra, it was a hot topic amongst girls in the locker room.  Who wouldn't be happy to move on up in the world?
Reading on how girls and women had to deal with this in the old days makes me grateful for what I have now.  If mass production never began for bras, would we have what we do today?